Anonymous asked: How do you keep so fit?

A healthy diet, and a touch of alcohol poisoning.

Anonymous asked: I think we should hook up, right now

I know, I’m a total babe especially in my Snuggie with a shake weight but unfortunately, I’ve never been one for Anonymous sex.

Womp, womp.

A useful tool for all the ladies out there who aren’t sure if that should dump that asshole.

Note: If you’re thinking about it, you probably should.  He’s an asshole. Never the less…FYI.

Hello Social Mixer…

Someone told me that this Alumni Reunion Invitation meant that I was getting old.  I think she’s talking some smack - I’ve only been out of school for 1 year.  But when I thought about what I would wear, and the only thing that came to mind was pajama pants and a sweater-shirt, I started to agree with her. 

I reserved a ticket, and I’m going to get all fancied up for this affair.  I’m sure it’ll be like American Reunion, but with a lot of nerds, much less sex, and not fucking dumb.

Deets to follow.

Don’t ask me how this became the song of the day…(thanks a lot roommate, #shitcray)

But I discovered that this song, (“True” by Spandau Ballet) is actually the perfect song. Here’s why:

• Perfect for entertaining guests (easy listening without overpowering conversation)
• Perfect for singing in the shower
• Perfect for happy occasions
• Perfect for sad occasions
• Perfect for sexy occasions
• Perfect for montages (80’s style date montages)
• Perfect for filling awkward silences & meaningful glances
• Perfect for calming you down (almost to a catatonic state) during a fit of rage
• Perfect for swaying back and forth
• Perfect for singing obnoxiously loud on an empty street in the middle of the night with your pals
• Perfect background music for brilliantly ironic proposals.

It’s practically fit for ever occasion there is.  Oh, did I mention it’s catchy as hell?  I just thought I’d share this discovery with you all… you never know when it might come in handy.

I could be a wedding planner.  Take a look at this masterful Wedding Invitation template for an “Average Themed Wedding” inspired by @VScullion, and brought to life by yours truly ( @ariannetong ) and Microsoft Paint.

Night on the town? Phone, credit cards & cash, but no pockets? Have no fear! The timeless tale of women “about to get their dance on” is about to come to a startling conclusion!  THE JOEYBRA!  The days of loonies, toonies & dollar bills stuck to your chest the next morning are OVER.  Now, all your valuables can be safely tucked away in a side pocket in bra!

Sure, you might get Breast Cancer, but you ‘ll look f*****g fabulous!  Nothing says class act like pulling cash from your bosom (or slightly under your armpit). 

I love this idea.  However I don’t think it’s necessarily a “lady-like” move for everyday use.  It’s more of an FYI - this is your designated “Party Bra”! 

Life & Responsibility summarized. 

When your landlord <3’s you, you get a new ceiling fan.